Amateur Night Preliminaries

Last Saturday, I experienced my first ever competition.

It was scary, nerve-wrecking, nausea-inducing, appetite suppressing and self-esteem crushing.

But I told my mind to STFU and just do it since I came so far.

Why in the world did I decide to do this?

Maybe it's because I have led a remarkably safe and boring life. Maybe it's because I never dream about being up on stage. Maybe it's because I never found something I love. Maybe It's because I have never felt the fires of passion until I took up pole dancing over a lovely video I saw of someone dancing on the pole to a lyrical song.

I never knew then that pole dancing was so graceful and so classy. My impression of it was always associated with strippers and sex. Never in my life did I consider taking it up until I saw that video.

It was like watching a ballerina on a pole. 

I went to research on pole dance and found that it deviated from the art of chinese pole. It is a combination of yoga, pilates, gymnastics, dance and art. I found out that the reason why most of them wear minimum clothes it's because the skin contact with the pole is necessary to prevent them from slipping (only if you are really strong and confident of your tricks then you can do it full clothed). I watched videos after videos just to be sure I am making the right decision.

After I was convinced, I signed up for class and have never looked back.

Initially it was for the sake of leisure and keeping fit. But term after term, I find myself dreaming of routines in my head and lusting after performing on stage.

Then it hit me.

I want to join a competition.

Not to win. Just to do what I love.

So I set a deadline for myself. 2014.

And signed up I did.

Before I was called on stage, I was on the verge of tears, scared beyond words, worried, concerned and all that. But I told myself to get a grip and just do it. Good or not, it doesn't matter just do it for yourself.

I didn't win, didn't even get into the finals.

But I didn't cry.

I didn't regret.

Nor did I feel jealous.

I just felt happy. Felt at peace that at least I did something for myself.

I finally found myself and experienced the joy of experiencing my passion.